someone threw a dead crab at me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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