I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
