When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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