It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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