Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
