wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
