Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
