We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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