It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
