theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
