dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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