At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
