he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
