We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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