Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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