who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
