We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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