Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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