on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
