i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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