3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
