you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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