my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it was like eating out sand paper
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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