Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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