HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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