She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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