He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's Friday. Sex?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
