So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
