So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
