I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
