I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
