so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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