It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
