I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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