dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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