Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
