then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
