While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
