I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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