My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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