So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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