When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
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don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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