You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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