Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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