This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize