accomplished twins. life is a go
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
