Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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