there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
