It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
