you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
