Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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