worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
