so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
