I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
A+ Viking dick
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
