I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
