I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize