what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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