you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
