I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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