Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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