someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.