Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?