Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his