If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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