You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
