shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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