so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
