I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
